Google just took a huge L with their wired headphone hot take

Google just spent two minutes dunking on wired headphones in a sponsored segment with Subway Takes during their Made by Google live event, calling them “sloppy,” “embarrassing,” and laughing about threatening to kick kids out of the house for using them.

Here’s your L, Google: you delivered this entire anti-wired rant through wired microphones while preaching environmental responsibility in the same breath. The math isn’t mathing.

The environmental elephant in the room

Let’s discuss the most glaring contradiction here. Google has made massive public commitments to achieving carbon neutrality by 2030 and reaching net-zero emissions across its entire value chain. It has also positioned itself as an environmental leader in tech, regularly publishing sustainability reports and touting its green initiatives.

Yet here they are, essentially telling consumers to throw away perfectly functional technology because it “doesn’t look good.”

With proper care, a decent pair of wired headphones can last decades. I know audiophiles still rocking headphones from the ’80s and ’90s that sound incredible. Meanwhile, wireless earbuds typically need complete replacement every 2-4 years, largely because the batteries are inaccessible to the user. Those tiny lithium batteries? They’re particularly problematic for recycling and represent a massive environmental burden when multiplied across millions of devices.

Google’s message was clear: fashion trumps environmental responsibility. For a company that regularly lectures about sustainability, that’s remarkably hypocritical.

The performance they’re dismissing

Google also claimed wired headphones “don’t do anything you want them to do” except “get tangled.” This is objectively false and ignores several key advantages that many users still value:

• Lossless audio transmission with no compression artifacts
• Zero latency – crucial for content creators, musicians, and gamers
• Universal compatibility across virtually every device ever made
• No battery anxiety – they work when you need them to work
• Often better sound quality at equivalent price points
• No Bluetooth pairing frustrations

The “tangling” complaint is particularly weak when you consider that professional audio engineers, podcast creators, and musicians still overwhelmingly prefer wired connections for their reliability and audio quality. Are all these professionals just wrong about their own field?

The most telling moment was watching Google deliver its anti-wired audio rant while speaking into wired microphones. If wired audio is so inferior and embarrassing, why didn’t they use wireless mics for their presentation? Because when it actually matters—when you need reliability, quality, and zero chance of technical failure—professionals still choose wired connections. Google knows this, which makes its consumer-facing messaging even more disingenuous.

Who really benefits from the “wireless revolution”?

Google’s anti-wired stance becomes clearer when you follow the money. My colleague Chris Thomas nailed this in his analysis of the headphone jack removal. Companies like Apple saw massive profit opportunities in forcing consumers toward proprietary wireless solutions.

When you eliminate the headphone jack and then mock wired connections, you create artificial demand for new products that need regular replacement. It’s a brilliant business strategy disguised as technological progress.

Google’s latest Pixel Buds conveniently solve the “problem” they just spent a few minutes trying to create. It’s the same playbook Apple used with AirPods—manufacture a problem, then sell the solution.

Do better, Google

Google’s wired headphone roast wasn’t just bad marketing—it was a masterclass in corporate tone-deafness. A company that lectures the world about sustainability just told millions of people to ditch perfectly functional technology for aesthetic reasons, using wired mics to deliver the message.

What they missed is that wired headphone users aren’t technological dinosaurs; they’re people who value reliability, sound quality, and not contributing to e-waste every few years. Google’s mockery revealed more about their priorities than ours.

The real embarrassment isn’t using wired headphones—it’s a trillion-dollar company partnering with content creators to shame customers for making environmentally conscious choices. And reading through the comments, it’s clear most people aren’t buying it.

Sometimes the “outdated” technology is actually the better technology. And sometimes companies get exactly the ratio they deserve.